Lighting the dark path
by Prue Halliwell Snape
Summary: What if you could stay inside the potions master memory? This is what I think, made him become who he is now
1. Before Hogwarts

Chapter one: before Hogwarts  
  
A crying little boy is sitting on a corner, his eyes are like onyx, his hair is like ebony, his skin is so pale that the tears look like crystal while slowly fall down from his face, as he cries, a woman sobs somewhere else inside the house, and a hook nosed man comes next to the boy and says impatiently "For God's sake Severus, stand up and stop crying., what are you a woman? How many times should I tell you to act like a man!" he pulls the little boy up and pushes him far away from him "go to your room!" the man orders, before leaving the house. The child looks for his mother, who looks absent, he wants her to comfort him, to give him a magic kiss able to cure his pain, to make him feel protected, but the woman doesn't even look at him, only says with a trembling voice "you heard your father, go to your room" With a slow pace, the kid gets into a small dark room, with no toys, no books or anything, just a bed, he sits on the floor with a new expression in his beautiful eyes : hate.  
  
This is when I realize I am into the potions master mind. I know I shouldn't stay in this pensieve, yet, I want to stay and keep looking, not to mention comfort the four year old Severus Snape, but he doesn't see me.  
  
An eight year old boy comes out of his house running and covering his ears, his parents are fighting again, his father just told his mother that the only reason they are still together is that stupid sissy boy she just had to deliver. Severus feels guilty, and afraid, he wants to run away, to hide...to fly. But he had never flied before, his father doesn't even let him clean his professional broom, but it doesn't matter now his fear and rage is such he gets the broom and tries to mount it the broom, a powerful nimbus, begins to vibrate under his hand , he passes a leg through the handle, and gets kicked he keeps trying and its too difficult, there's a new sound, a giggle, Severus looks around just to see his next door neighbour laughing at him he feels embarrassed, but keeps trying, there's another sound, a familiar sour voice... "What on earth are you doing, you dolt?! " Mr Snape pulls his son violently to him and slaps him, the girl next door and I witness this "NEVER; NEVER TOUCH MY BROOM DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?!" Severus nods with a mixture of emotions on his eyes, his father pushes him aside and he is the one who flies away, the girl keeps giggling I touch his hair, his amazingly silky hair , but he can't feel my touch.  
  
A nice sunlight beam caresses the pre teen Snape he wakes up and finds a letter on his feet with a beautiful writing that says "Severus Snape , the smallest room, penny lane 10 Liverpool" he goes to his dinning room excited "It's here mum, dad, it's here!" His father doesn't even look at him, his mother looks terrified, she requests his supplies. The three of them go to Diagon Alley they buy a good cauldron, his robes, nothing fancy but good enough, they make their way to Ollivander's the old man greets them "Why hello, Mr Snape, mahogany 16 inches, phoenix tale, Ms Snape, and of course, little Severus, come here" he gives him a couple of wands, nothing happens, Ollivander frowns , Mr Snape sighed "I knew this good for nothing was a squib!" at that very moment Ollivander retorts handing Severus a new wand "Don't say that, Mr Snape let's try this instead 15 inches, ebony, dragon heart string " I recognize that's professor Snape's wand a whisper in the kid's ear "this is your wand, don't worry" he nods, but that's impossible, he cant hear me, can he?.  
  
And so we are now in kings cross, Severus' mother is silent, walks looking at her feet, Mr Snape appears to be alone, not paying attention to his son struggles to pull his trunk. They leave him there without saying goodbye, Severus feels abandoned, he would give the world to be hugged , or kissed, but his parents are gone now, he turns around and see a messy haired boy being over held and kissed by his mother the boy pouts "Mum, leave me, I'll miss the train" his dad laughs and messes his hair even more "Now James, Remember: we love you, we are proud of you, and you'll be home soon, and we are proud of you" James Potter rolls his eyes grinning his father tickles him. Severus ' eyes are now fill with tears. This is where their story begins... 


	2. seven years in seven seconds first part

Chapter two: Seven years in seven seconds  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Severus or anything HP related, but Alan Rickman disguised as Severus Snape would be a lovely present under my Christmas tree  
  
Young Severus seats alone on the train, in the same cabinet four boys come in, the same messy haired boy that he felt jealous about, a young pale yet cute child and a really gorgeous creature, followed by a fat little kid the gorgeous one greets  
  
"Wotcher! I am Sirius Black, from the noble house of Black" he adds solemnly before shrugging "yeah right whatever, I enjoy more the dog's house" James laughs at this comment "Nice to meet you I am James Potter popular dinner guest on the dog's house, specially since I'm the one who delivers said dinner" they shake hands and look from Severus to Remus, trying to figure out who is most likely the new victim of a joke, they go for Severus, whose eyes are still red from crying "OOOOH little boy misses mummy!" Says James in maternal mock tones "what's you name boy?"  
  
"My name is Severus Snape and I don't miss my mother thank you" he says upset  
  
"nice to meet you Snivellus, " Sirius retorts I would gladly kick him but there's no point, James and Peter on the other hand find this very amusing, Severus rolls his eyes and pretends not to care, but there's a shadow in his eyes... Remus finally speaks  
  
"So the poor kid miss his mother, so what? Eventually we are allowed to get homesick , aren't we?, don't worry Sevvie, ! "  
  
Sevvie, that's how his mother calls him when she actually speaks to him, and "Sevvie " is usually followed by "Wait until you father gets home" which are never good news, he hates that , not to mention the fact that his dear daddy says that "Sevvie" is a sissy name "Don't you call me Sevvie, whoever you are"  
  
"My name is Remus Lupin, and you can call me "Remy", Snivellus" that settles it. Remus Lupin just became a marauder thanks to that comment we all can tell by the laughter of young Sirius and James, who keep mocking at Severus all the way to Hogwarts.  
  
Hagrid gathers the first year for the boat trip, he Gets into a different boat where a blond boy is talking about dark arts Lucius Malfoy eyes him with an amusing look. Before we can tell , the sorting ceremony starts we get to hear interesting names How many Black Wizards are there? "Black Bellatrix, Black George, Black Sirius., Black Terry" one for each house Slytherin, Ravenclaw Gryffindor, Hufflepuff in said order suddenly a girl catches Severus 's eyes, she's pretty I grant, but I daresay she looks like Ms Snape... "Johnson Electra" Bellows McGonagall and this girls jumps in Slytherin  
  
Lupin Remus" Severus eyes him, feeling a bit guilty for yell at this boy, maybe they can be friends , at least if they get in the same house.... "Gryffindor!" yells the hat...  
  
Malfoy Lucius the blond brat walks in with elegance and before the sorting hat gets to be all over his head it yells "Slytherin"  
  
Pettigrew Peter, Potter James, Gryffindor...  
  
Finally we hear Snape, Severus, I can see his heart jumps I follow him muttering more for myself than him "its okay, there's nothing wrong, we know the end " curiosity makes me follow him to see if I can hear the hat , which I actually do..  
  
"Sorrow, sorrow hate.., lonelyness, low self esteem yet a lot of potential, a lot indeed... you can do great stuff, loyalty, honour.... you need a push to get off the ground, Gryffindor would be good but you need the hard way... Ravenclaw would be pleased to have you learning, but that sorrow will only stay there and you need to transform it....." Slytherin "  
  
Severus stands up looking puzzled, Lucius Malfoy pats him in the back "so you're the son of Severus Snape?" he smiles "Your father has business with mine and goes home often for dinner, funny he never brought you" funny Malfoy says but I find it indignant.  
  
Severus is making a potion now, it takes a while for me to adjust as the pensieve sets the scenario, he's looking really focused on what he's doing his hair now looks greasy, as greasy as always, but there's no acne mark, now that I think about , Mrs Snape has a greasy hair, perhaps is something genetic more that a matter of hygienic habits  
  
The marauders are there making fun of his greasy hair, however there's a spark of triumph as Peter Pettigrew spoils the potion they were doing while Snape' s remarkable he really is good at this....I follow him to the common room, and I see him smiling writing a letter I can't help but see what he's putting on it  
  
"Dear dad, I'm not a squib, I have outstanding in potions, and I really like it"  
  
Again I feel into kabuki theatre as I see young Severus get the answer of that.... "Potions are nothing , your mother can cook so she's good at potions, is the most feminine useless thing in the wizardry world, and I didn't give you permission to write me, you must forget you have parents and start looking after yourself" Loathing...such loathing is his look that I'm beginning to think he could fancy Harry Potter He stands up throwing the letter away "fine, he mutters fine, you're dead" but he would love to see him dead indeed, to dance on his grave.... impossible though...I would love to comfort him, to tell him he doesn't need his father that he's a great potions master and that I...love him, but there's no point, he can't hear me....  
  
There she is : Electra Johnson he smiles at her sight, there she goes.... he is beaming , I'm happy for him, and yet curious, he's so cold, calm and in control I can't picture him drooling at someone not to mention beaming, yet he is. He begins to collect potion materials, I smile, and I admire him as I always do, his potion making skills are awesome. Is finished he goes to the bathroom "Is he taking a shower?" As much as I want to see him, I respect his privacy.. he comes out smiling his hair is once again silky and shines like Raven feathers...like satin.... he goes to see Electra gives her a letter she reads it...his eyes are showing a glow unknown for the world, but it dies as Electra is laughing of it and reads it out loud in Slytherin 's common room everybody laughs at him, he runs to the lake, willing to drawn or be eaten by the squid.  
  
Instead Sirius Black and Remus Lupin are talking, my God, Severus would give the world to get them humiliated , not really, he would give the world to be in their gang, to be Peter Pettigrew, he swallows hard before making his way to his room, with the laughter of everyone.... Lucius Malfoy sleeps in the next bed, he says "It's okay mate, she's a bitch" but Severus is not responding he just falls asleep.  
  
A quidditch match....James is the new Gryffindor seeker he wins.. Electra Johnson is melting for him but he pushes her away Severus squirms, what the heck is wrong with him? Potter doesn't understand does he? Oh but he's watching Lily Evans, she's nice, Potter can keep her....mudblood, is that really important?  
  
We're in the library now, its too late, Severus is reading something dark arts related he's taking notes calculating....oh my God this is awful, he's making a huge essay about the cruciatus curse and how to do it, but that's not the main problem he's muttering and that worries me "Oh yes I'm sure I mean it, you 'll see, give me a reason and I swear I will "  
  
His home again, his mother looks paler than usual, he's making some meal and a potion, Mr Snape 's footsteps are getting louder, he's near "what the heck are you doing Severus? Your mother can heal herself without your lame attempts , stop disturbing her, I thought I told you to look after yourself only " Severus' face turns paler his hand slowly goes down to his waist, his fingers interlace the ebony stick, with his wand out and his body trembling he face his father, Mr Snape, however is laughing "Are you threatening me boy?" Severus is trembling and mutters Crucio!" his father ducks, I cover my eyes "well, that's refreshing, you are really wanting to learn, let me help you.. CRUCIO!" All I hear is a scream, and then Severus is panting on the floor, his lip bleeds, the man laughs and says "Go to your room, shame of my flesh..."  
  
And so here we are in his room again he wants to cry ..he couldn't do it, fear took over him, and so he paid... he shoots down flies instead...I sit down next to him muttering more for my need of do something that for the propose well done "Is okay, you'll be fine there's someone in the world who loves you.... I do" he sighs lost cause...  
  
A new memory I reckon, he looks older can't really tell his age, he's sitting on the stairs, wondering something about the marauders .....it's almost sunset the marauders seem to be concerned Sirius says "see you soon, moony" "sooner than you think" James adds Lupin looks sick....Severus 's heart leaps would he be okay? Remus was nice, and always looking unprotected... he follows the marauders all the way to Madam Pomfrey... is this the night? I am afraid so...  
  
This is the first part of the chapters related his years in Hogwarts, as student, I want to put special attention on the night he discovers the truth about Remus...  
  
That's a lot to those who reviewed, hopefully, you keep reading this: Pen D Fox, human bludger, Aureachiale Valkyrie StarFreak14 


	3. years in seconds part 2:Albus Dumbledor...

Disclaimer : I still don't owe Severus and my birthday is soon by the way, you know the present I want (oh and I don't own the rest HP world)  
  
Seven years in seven seconds: Albus Dumbledore Remus Lupin, a link  
  
This isn't the night, he leaves them at the infirmary I sighed feeling relieved, but that only last three minutes  
  
"so what's up now, Snivelly?" A very well known voice hit the potions master to be He would love to run but he's not a coward so he turns and simply says "how many times I must tell you that my name is Severus S E V E R U S!"  
  
"Snivellus, yeah we know that" James mocks, Pettigrew is laughing loudly, I can see the veins of Severus' head boiling he really doesn't want to fight, he would love to be their friend, he's worried about Lupin  
  
"my God Snivellus, this is a joke, we're trying to make you relax!" Sirius says, he locks eyes with James "Perhaps we haven't told him a good joke...or maybe he just doesn't have a sense of humor"  
  
Sense of humor?!? What the hell is wrong with them?, Severus is afraid, he doesn't want to use his wand, the memory of his father using the cruciatus curse on him is too much to bear but he, however has been practising, and reading a lot of dark arts  
  
"In that case I think we need to make something special to make him laugh" James considers pointing at him with his wand "Rictusempra!" Severus falls on the floor convulsing with laughter, his eyes however, are crying anger tears, he was just passing by, he didn't even speak to them, why are they being this way to him?  
  
The effect of the spell ends he stands up with such anger he's trembling, there he is James Potter the pride of his parents the over kissed and hugged spoilt brat Severus wonders if the Potters are proud of his son humiliating him and yet, he sees the image of his own father complimenting Potter for what he's doing to him, the same of his flesh, with that image in mind Severus yells a mixture of swearwords and hexes that leave Potter on the floor panting, his lip bleeding......and Professor Flitwick jumps on scene "Snape what are you doing? You just ....Well since the head of Slytherin isn't here I'll take 10 points from your house and take you to the headmaster, he'll know what 's the right detention for you"  
  
"but...but.."  
  
"No buts," Flitwick says "follow me" He follows the head of Ravenclaw house with the laughs of the marauders in his ears I am mumbling some curses and hexes, if I didn't know that Sirius and James grew up and did good things......yet at this very moment I consider a good thing that Black will spend 12 years in Azkaban.... a crystal tear...Severus tries to hide it I make a stupid attempt to wipe it, the tear is still there but he smiles....what is there to be smiling at? Oh, Electra Johnson passes by"  
  
We're now at the headmaster's office... looks amazing, young Severus is really scared as Dumbledore comes in. Less old equally powerful  
  
"Please sit down, Severus" He obeys a bit scared I stand next to him the Headmaster locks his eyes with those onyx like beauties Severus owns, I daresay he's using his legilimens skills on the scared boy. Silence is such that I can heard the squid swimming under the moonlight finally the headmaster speaks  
  
"I hope you understand that Professor Flitwick only saw the last part of the tiff, so he did what he should nothing against you I assure you Mr. Potter and Mr Black will get detention for it."  
  
Severus can't not believe his ears he knows that Dumbledore had just break into his mind, but he doesn't care. The headmaster stands up and approaches to him, he touches Severus' shoulder affectionate "They are not bad boys they just don't know, they don't understand that people their age is suffering, they'll come around"  
  
The potions master to be tried to hide the tears but Dumbledore keeps talking "Don't do it, you must let it out, it's okay to feel, is what makes us humans, what splits us from the beasts, you can cry here, I'm not judging you, on the contrary, I think it takes a lot of courage to let your feelings out"  
  
The young man cries for all the years he has lived. for the lonelyness he feels, for the humiliations passed at home and school, for his ghostly mother, for his awful father, I wish he could feel me that way I could hold him and comfort him, offering my shoulder to cry one, but he doesn't see me, or hear me, for crying out loud he does not know who I am, I probably wasn't born or was a baby. However, Dumbledore takes over for me and I can't do anything but smile as finally Severus Snape is hugged in a parental way, my gratitude is beyond words but is nothing compared to what Severus feels at the moment. A love that will last years., sealed with Dumbledore 's words "I'll be always here for you, only a knock or an owl away"  
  
Another evening, Severus looks a bit older and Remus looks like....hell in lack of a better word to describe him he's walking along to the whomping willow, Madam Pomfrey goes behind him, its sunset, Snape blinks and Lupin desappears He looks puzzled, and he's really concerned I look through the window next to him so we both jump insurprise when we hear a hoarse voice "Wondering how did moony dessapeared behind the womping willow? Want to know where he goes? How is that the willow doesn't hurt him?" Severus turns I bite my lip " It's easy Snivellus, James and I had done it a couple of time, all you got to do is pick a stick and press the knot on the root" Sirius Black leaves smirking  
  
Severus is considering the point, that sounds simple, and perhaps if he meets Lupin he can clear a few things up, maybe they can't become best friends, but at least Lupin can convince The others to leave him alone I would love to tell him that is a lost cause and that he's risking his life, but a voice inside my mind insists that not only is useless but this is meant to be I took a deep breath and follow him out of the castle. As we walk toward the willow its becoming darker, the moon shines gorgeously but its not silver shine......is it just me or the moon has a red shade? Well, I don't know what time of year we are; He finds the large wand from the willow itself I reckon, and touches the knot the tree stands still I see his eyes deep in amazement. he takes a deep breathe a gets in I look over the castle to see if James Potter is coming but he's not in sight, just because I know I'm safe I follow him I can hear his heart beating fast the tunnel is dark so he takes out his wand and whispers "Lumos!" he stops and I know why when we he hear a painful howl Severus is panting his eyes show fear, however he keeps walking, and trembling. This wait for me is eternal, but I feel such a relief when I hear footsteps Severus does to but instead of stop and confront he runs to Lupin I hear Potter's voice panting "Snivellus stop..."  
  
Snivellus what an idiot he's encouraging the boy to go further with it can't James see he's trying to prove himself he's brave and doing something to help Lupin? Of course he can't see him, he's innocent I grant, he doesn't know about pain and humiliation .  
  
"SEVERUS; PLEASE!" finally ! I think. Severus stops frozen, which allows James to reach us "don't go any further, is not safe" James puts a hand on his ribs panting, I can tell he's having pain for running Severus hesitates "what do you mean is not safe? Black said you've done it a couple of times"  
  
"yes" James says hesitating as well he decides not to tell Severus the truth "look Severus, we do it okay? But for you is too dangerous, I know we're not friends but trust me on this one"  
  
For you is too dangerous?!? That phrase hits Severus like a hammer, why is that Potter thinks he's a pansy boy , a good for nothing, why is he acting like his father?! No that's too much, he wants to prove them wrong, prove the whole world wrong his voices irradiates furry when he speaks "What makes you think you're better than me Potter? Bloody hell if its harmless for you is harmless for me, I might not be popular or considered the best student of my house, but I am not weak nor a squib either!"  
  
"Severus, please, you don't understand don't go," James is begging Severus has a wave of satisfaction growing inside him "What's the matter Potter ? you're not afraid of me showing your friends I'm not the weak boy you think I am now do you?"  
  
"Idiot! " James says loosing his patience "I'm doing you a favor" But Snape just laughs and keeps going James pulls him "you can't go"  
  
"You're not doing me any favor you just don't want me to prove there's nothing special about you!" he's loosing control of himself, deep down he considers this his opportunity to restore himself from the cruciatus curse at his home  
  
James pulls out his wand "please, keep your voice down or he'll hear us"  
  
"who? Your friend? LUPIN!" he spats, we hear a major growl and another howl  
  
"Quit it, Severus I beg you I don't care what you think I'm saving your life"  
  
"he's telling you the truth, look the end of the tunnel!" I loose my patience, I know he is not listening to me but I got carried away  
  
Severus looks at the end of the tunnel he saw Lupin the werewolf, he recognizes it 's not A real wolf and backs away he locks his eyes with James, moony is approaching...James shouts "run, I'll stop him, don't ask just run" even when that's not meant for me I run, I don't care if Prongs appears I can head Severus is running behind me, we come out, the head master is waiting for him, with Sirius next to him  
  
"a werewolf" Severus informs Dumbledore his eyes irradiate fury toward Sirius James comes out now "are you okay Mister Potter?" Dumbledore asks Severus feels betrayed when James nods Dumbledore simply says "come with me , Severus"  
  
We're back at his office "I know that you feel terrible about what happened tonight, Severus and by that I mean I know it all" but he doesn't have to remark it, we know what does he mean "all I can ask you is not to tell anyone what you found out, I have my reasons for doing that, I trust Remus as much as I trust you" he gives Severus a cup of soothing potion He's not judging or scolding, in fact he's not mad, his voice is even sweet...Severus just nods, hating the marauders from now on, but feeling himself special because he's keeping Dumbledore 's secrets..  
  
Thanks for those who reviewed... Mac, love, I already answered you , Pen d Fox, you'll find out eventually, I'm glad you liked it!! Hope you enjoy this one as well, we're almost out of Hogwarts 


	4. the last two years in Hogwarts,

Disclaimer : I just want to remind you that my birthday is soon as Christmas is coming, in the meantime and since no one had gave me what I asked I don't own Severus nor James not even Sirius or Remus (which I would gladly accept as well)  
  
"who wants to see me take off Snivelly 's pants?"  
  
Bloody hell Potter! I would gladly speed the story and give you the Avada Kedavra myself can't you see the poor Severus' face? I'd rather think that you can't because if you do and continue.... Lily was wrong, you're not exactly like him, you're worse, the poor Severus was minding his own business and what?!? Just because Padfoot was bored is no excuse to humiliate someone like that, go and entertain yourself showing your annoying quidditch skills, but you know what!?!? You're just dooming your son, fate is a weird magic, not to mention karma. I try to calm myself but Sirius and James are pulling Severus away, they actually take his pants off and leave him in the middle of the forbidden forest they're leaving yelling, Severus is crying angry tears I can hear him muttering "Is this why you had to save my life?!? I'd rather be dead by now you should let Remus kill me, don't kid yourself you only did it to save your own skin" How can I resist the impulse to go and comfort him? I try to hold him and of course I can't but at least he takes a deep breath, and sits down, panting I grant, but I can see his expression relaxing, as he no longer looking at the whomping willow  
  
A new scene, night, Severus is walking toward the lavatory "All right Snivellus?" A voice said Severus turns to look at the marauders with the expression we are used to know at the very mention of them in his presence "With such a fat head I would expect you could have at least have a brain but since you can't remember my name I daresay you don't" James pulls his wand but Remus stops him "Please , Prongs not here , not now" Sirius was about to pull his own but this time Severus is faster "Stupefy!" Sirius can't move "now you've done it!" James snarls "Not really!" Severus says with malice in his eyes and voice "I've been longing for a change to try the cruciatus curse on you for years, since my father had the decency to show me how to do it right" He says sarcastically "You wouldn't dare!" James says..  
  
But there's something different in the future potions master look.. it even frightens me "Why not? I don't care to be expelled, and I'm certainly not afraid of Azkaban prison, unlike you, Give me a reason, just a tiny little one and I swear I will" Wormtail runs in the opposite Direction that coward rat... Sirius and James try to face him "its two against one at least!" Sirius said  
  
"Always been that way, neither of you are brave enough to do a one on one combat" Severus hiss dangerously he's about to; but a hoarse voice as dangerous as his own pulls them out of focus "he's not kidding lay low and back away slowly Siris ! James!"  
  
Now that's a werewolft talking ! thank a lost moony! I'm proud!" he can't hear me but I giggle and look how Sirius and James put down their wands and sigh "fine, fine, we're leaving"  
  
The memory vanish and transforms into a different one, he looks more mature now, I guess its the 7th year WOW" he's a head boy...I'm proud , but his father isn't as I can read the letter he is reading at the moment, Sissy boy? Who needs the help of filthy mudbloods? Is this because of Lily Evans? If so , I am sooooooooo lecturing Mr Snape, first off his son is manly, not pansy or sissy I mean come on!! Look at him! His ebony hair his onyx like eyes which always look sad....his thin lips which still can smile every now and then when he learns something interesting.... I'm beginning to believe Severus Snape senior is the sissy one, and he's the obedient bottom boy of Mr Malfoy as he clearly showed them not to mess with him Severus smirks and then walks away... it's actually refreshing see how much he's changed he looks now more secure, and mature....hmm looking at the Gryffindor table James looks mature as well, Sirius looks gorgeous, however, I'm still more fond of the beauty in Severus, even though he's beginning to look cold, calculating.. its almost night, we're going out  
  
But once out its morning so I guess its a different moment, he's holding a letter he sits to read it under a tree I sit next to him, would gladly sit on his lap but, obviously that's not possible however I get to read the letter it only says  
  
"she's gone, he funeral was last week I expect you don't cry or ask to come there's no point she's not here and her grave will be here at term"  
  
Severus wants to cry but he forces himself not to ..What the heck I need to hug him and even if he doesn't feel it this is for me as he stands up I hug him, he throws a heavy sigh and moves on, one thing I know for sure: He's not going back to his home no matter what.. ________________________________________________________________________ Thanks for those reviewers Sorry it took long to update, I got distracted with some Babymaking activities innocent grin and some charming stories you might also read in here charmed section  
  
Mac? looks innocent baby? You can do James if you like as long as I still can be with Remus on certain activities involving tail feathers a pearl necklace and something pink, not to mention of course that I want to do the potionsmaster 


	5. Slytherins Society

Summer day, Severus is packing still wearing the Hogwarts uniform, I sit on his bed, and I can feel his nostalgic looks at his dorm, he's not coming back, or so he thinks , at the same time he feels some relief, at least the marauders won't live with him anymore. That's a good thing, a very good thing, I wonder what he is going to do now. Lucius Malfoy comes in:  
  
"It's done Severus, my father agreed"  
  
Severus smiles and nods "thanks, Lucius, I'll reach you there I want to go visit my mother first"  
  
"by all means, mate, take your time I want to show Narcissa the place" He grins and leaves  
  
Here we are now, he's watching her grave Interesting, her name is really interesting, its my middle name. He says a silent pray and leaves the graveyard. When are almost out a sour voice says "I knew you'd be here, come on, we have some cleaning to do before I'll take you to the work I already got for you, its time for you to start paying me for all I gave you"  
  
Severus turns to his father and I can tell there's no fear in his eyes, anger yes, but its not a boiling anger, its the kind of feeling a person has cultivated for years his voice is not trembling when he says "I don't really think you want me to pay you for all you gave me"  
  
Before he could continue his father says "I don't remember I gave you permission to talk to me, nevertheless to look me in the eyes"  
  
I can feel the anger in the young boy growing but since he laughs probably his father doesn't realize "You told me to look for myself and that's what I'm doing I already have a job and a place to stay, as for our debt... each and every knut my meals and education cost I paid with humiliation, with hard study, with neverending home duty, with your punishments, with my efforts to make you love me to make her love me, I know that my material maintenance was paid with emotional pain, As for the love and paternal guidance..." he pulls out a knut and throws it to his father "keep the change" he says and moves away, I'm really proud of him I hear a noise and Severus falls on the ground his father casts a spell to stupefy him and now while he's still on the ground he hits his own son "So you think you can do as you please and leave me now that you're finally worthy? I don't think so stupid kid " he's going to kick him again I place myself in front oh him, I felt the hit even though it passes though me, Severus, however, seems to be feeling no pain he manages to stand up and pulls out his wand "give me a reason" he snarls "only one move and I swear I will" He's not kidding that's scaring me ; and his father as well I reckon because he lowers his wand and backs away slowly.  
  
As we go away I turn and see the shadow of someone watching in the dark.  
  
And the scenario changes, we are in a nice place, really nice actually, Severus is cleaning and smiling Malfoy gets into the living room we are and giggles "I'm glad we moved in together , we don't need a house elf with you around" Severus just rolls his eyes and serves him some meals "  
  
"How was work Sev?" Malfoy asks conversationally, but I really really want to know, Specially since I have no clue what's he doing for living he smirks and then says "Well, I can tell you I'm really tired since I'm seeing angels"  
  
"Oh Severus I'm blushing" Malfoy shrugs The potions master to be just rolls his eyes again and mutters "whatever, the hospital wasn't really quiet last night, I'm glad I'm just researching for potions and venom's treating with patients would increase my killer instincts  
  
Speaking of your nice and killer instincts " Malfoy interrupts him "I think its time for me to tell you about the Slytherins society"  
  
"Slytherins society?" Snape frowns  
  
"yes slytherins society, a few selected of us meet once a week to make a strategy to conquer the world" Both of them laugh Malfoy continues "Actually no, but we talk about the ideals of our dear Salazar Slytherin which obviously we all share, otherwise why were sorted into his house? Its like a former students society"  
  
"I see" Severus replies a bit interested. As for me, I'm worried, I don't think that's the name said society will have later.  
  
A new moment in his life, its evening there are people I recognise and really loath: Bellatriz Black, Rudolph Lestrange of course, Avery, Malfoy and McNair, on the other side of the room there's people I don't know and then....there he is, still young still elegant , even handsome. Tom Ryddle. He approaches us I hide myself behind Severus, just to laugh and remember they can't see me.  
  
His eyes penetrate Severus' he asks "Lucius says you're a great catch, but regardless what he says I saw you at the graveyard, you really showed your father, I must congratulate you for that, I hate my father as well" He crosses his arm around Severus and pulls him away from me, I try to stay beside him but I can't stay that close he whisper in his ears things I cant understand, but he's one hell of an orator; there's no longer the Severus Snape who got there instead I can see the crying little boy with eyes full of hate suddenly he howls and pulls out his wand points at me and yells CRUCIO!" the curse passes through me like a cold sword, Mac Nair falls on the floor howling in pain, why of course it was meant for him I'm not really here , I sigh in relief before frowning "why did he curse McNair anyway?" While he is still in that trance Ryddle praises him and says "Next week , his initiation.."  
  
We are now in a bathroom Severus is panting looking himself in the mirror , and he doesnt like what he sees "what have I done?!" she hits the floor, and it breaks "reparo" the floor is normal again, his fist, however is bleeding I stand next to him looking his reflection there's pain, anguish shame "There's no way out" he pants I wonder why he hasn't think on Dumbledore, he always find a way out..  
  
I feel myself as if I've been using a portkey, and we're now back in Hogwarts, the headmaster's office 


	6. The dark mark

Disclaimer: Hopefully next Monday I'll get Alan Rickman disguised as Severus Snape, hey a girl can dream! IN the meantime I don't own anything HP related  
  
The headmasters office looks a bit different, from last time a new dark detectors. Severus ' heart is beating so fast I'm afraid he might have a stroke, maybe its because, after all, I'm inside his head but I'm feeling his anxiety so I say to myself "calm down, everything will be okay Dumbledore will sort this out, there's nothing wrong , you know how this ends...  
  
There he is Albus Dumbledore, I stop my muttering and approach Severus, he seems calmed now and I am as well.  
  
"well, Severus, what are you going to tell me now? Your letter seemed confusing..."  
  
Now that I think about it I don't know what happened what did Riddle tell him so I turn to him interested. He takes a sip of water and starts:  
  
"there's a man out there, his name is Tom Riddle he was a member of the house, perhaps you remember him?" there's a bit of hope in his voice, and he smiled confidant when the headmaster nods.  
  
"well he is creating a "Slytherin 's society" Lucius Malfoy invited me to join, and..." Severus blushed ashamed.  
  
"and?" Dumbledore asks, with a soft parental tone.  
  
"well, when he starts talking about the ideals of Salazar Slytherin it's fine, as such we've been sorted into that house for some reason, but...he's using it to manipulate and , well, this isn't just a society I can tell."  
  
The headmaster looks as puzzled as I do when he says "what do you mean Severus?"  
  
"Yes, what do you mean, Severus?" I get caught in the moment.  
  
"Well.." Severus turns pale I would love to let him know no one is judging him, but since he cant hear me what's the sense? However, he keeps talking "He told me about how he admired me for dealing with my father and for the way I humiliated him but he made me feel all the anger I was feeling again, the anger and loath my father inspires me" he says turning sad, I would love to touch him, since I cant I just place my hand next to him.  
  
"he says that magic must be the key to prove the world we are blessed, not a phenomena and that we are better and keep the pride of wizardry, he wants the power, the control, but he's not like taking a political path. " He swallows "He doesn't think he need to be elected, he is willing to do as he needs or pleases to get to the power"  
  
"Tom Riddle was always ambitious" Dumbledore recalls  
  
Severus just shakes his head "He doesn't want to be known by that name anymore, he calls himself Lord Voldemort, and wants us to call him the dark lord"  
  
I turn my head and Look at Dumbledore, he nods "He used to call himself that since he was in here, when I was his teacher. " I should calm down, but I detect certain anxiety in the potions master to be, and surely does Dumbledore because he locks eyes with him and gives him a special "go on" look. Severus nods and says: "He forced me, well can't say he forced me, but I didn't mean to I swear" he turns sad and looks to where I am, in order to avoid the headmaster's look, I feel the well known need to comfort him still unable to do it, I take his hand, even when he can't hear me or feel me for that matter, I do it more for me, than for him. "Forced you to do what, Severus?" Dumbledore 's voice pulls me back to the situation and Severus takes a deep breath before saying:  
  
"I don't know how he did it, and why or how I did it, but...but I.." he hesitates I know what he's about to confess "I used an unforgivable curse on an innocent, two innocents I might say" he seems really disturbed by this, poor baby I would give the world to take him in my arms and comfort him  
  
"Avada Kedavra?" The headmaster asks with a simple tone Severus shakes hi head "cruciatus, the one I always wanted to use on my father and he said I was worthy of being with him, and told Lucius that I should get my initiation. Lucius told me that they were really happy with what I did and that once I join we would do stuff like that and..." he swallows "there's no way back." Now there's an expression I haven't seen before on his face, he's terrified and begging when he says "but headmaster I don't want to do that, that's not who I am I don't want to be an assassin not even my father or Potter and his gang" he says rolling his eyes "and if I back down now the dark Lord would kill me..." his voice is trembling "help me, please.."  
  
Dumbledore looks deep into his eyes considering each and every word he's about to say. Severus eyes him with hope and regret at the same time, would he think he's a horrible person for now on? For him the old headmaster's trust is everything, he's the father he always wanted.. finally Dumbledore speaks "I know Tom Riddle perfectly well, and you're right, he's dangerous, when he was only 15 he killed an innocent girl, and ruined the life of an extraordinary young man, instead of being stopped he just.., well was rewarded" He shakes his head I know who he means "If he now has a powerful selection of wizards this is going to be terrible you're absolutely right, he would do anything to get the power, and anything includes killing and torture, he's resented to his father, I have no way to prove it but I'm positive he killed him and his family as well:" he makes a pause to stand up and set closer to Severus who looks now something between puzzled and terrified "If he's on the track to do it so, we must do something to fight him, to try and stop him, are you agree?" "absolutely" Severus replies and my smile grows wider "That leads to tell you this : I could find a way to help you, but I won't; don't look so disappointed and listen to me, please." Disappointed? Please Dumbledore you're turning him down, he doesn't want to.....oh I realize what's going on and what I feel now is pride he continues. "Severus I trust you, you know that" Severus nods and Dumbledore keeps talking "I know you are brave and smart, perfectly able to take care of yourself, with remarkable notes in Defense against the dark arts I wouldn't think of a better person to do this than you, I need you there, you know what they say "keep your friends and your enemies closer, and with you I can't have him closer I really appreciate you here and telling me what you know could you please keep doing that for me? Become one of them and keep me informed of what he's doing I know its a huge risk that's why I'm asking you, the choice is yours I'll understand if you say no and will look for the way to get you out of this, but think about it: Severus' eyes are wide open and he simply says "But I'm not a killer and if I join them, I will have to kill and torture" "do it only if you have no choice , Severus, however, let me tell you something even when you kill someone you'll be saving many lives if you agree, " Snape looks at the headmaster considering the point, he thinks he's brave and smart, not a sissy boy,, and of course if he keeps him informed, he would be under his protection would Potter and his gang have the courage to take this job? Absolutely not, because this obviously means there won't be any credit to take He stands up and says simply "I will" his voice is trembling, but determined Dumbledore hugs him and says "very well then, thank you very much" My sight isn't good as I feel dizzy and shut my eyes when I open again there's a lot of people wearing a hood Severus is kneeling in the centre of the circle they're making, with Voldemort there he pulls Severus' left forearm and pointing his wand at it he says "mosmordre" a mark with a skull and a snake as tongue appears in his forearm its killing him in pain Voldemort speaks "very well take your place in the circle" Severus stand up and walks to where I am I rest my head on his back and muttered "you did the right thing, and I'm proud of you" there's no point he can't hear me, but I feel better saying so, and no one can blame me.  
  
Thanks a lot to the reviewers ; Mac hope you like this one. Avivagirl : thanks a lot, I'm glad you enjoyed it hope you like this one as well I'll explain you your comments later Cid and Piper: glad you love this Phoebe: hope you're still around And the last 3 this time review instead of mail me your opinion plese? 


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